new lesson

Theres a new lesson for me to learn when moving back to L.A. I need to start over again. I kept thinking that I would pickup from were I left off there. I won’t be able to do that and it probably isn’t a good idea anyway. If and when this move happens it will have to be a new L.A. for me. Part of the reason for the move is to finish up some of the things I started when I was there. I left and the situation wasn’t the best. I need closure and to move on. Who knows I may find that by visiting, although I doubt it. There is a second lesson but I forgot what it is, what a dunce I can be sometimes.

Its becoming less of a certainty that my position is going to be absorbed back into DoIT. The city council is raising a bit of a stink about the whole thing along with some very vocal folks in different departments. On a different note I’m really glad that it is Friday.


56 days until vacation, which means that time seems to drag more and more in direct proportion to how close to vacation I am.

I was reminded of a really good resource, the recycler, for apartments and stuff.

When I first moved to L.A. back in 87, all I had was hope some money and the promise of a couch (which fell through). I ended up living at the YMCA in hollywood, near the Gay-Lesbian center on N. Schrader Boulevard. Looking back, the whole experience was a good one. I met this “straight” aussie bodybuilder who was staying there. God he was hot. He was more muscular bulldog than bodybuilder anyway, we’d go out drinking and just hanging out while he was here.

LA Observed: No, not Trader Vic's

Beny Alagem, who paid $130 million for the Welton Becket-designed Beverly Hilton two years ago, wants to tear down Trader Vic’s restaurant at the intersection of Wilshire and Santa Monica boulevards, the hotel’s executive conference center, the Oasis Court and the hotel’s 514-space parking garage. Andy Fixmer obtained a report on Algaem’s plans and posted a story on the Los Angeles Business Journal website late Wednesday. It’s all in the name of building more luxury condo towers in Beverly Hills.

On those sites Alagem would build two 13-story buildings containing 96 condominiums, a 104-unit, 15-story condo hotel and 96 hotel rooms in two 3-story structures. The hotel’s parking would be put underground and increased to 1,422 spaces, to meet Beverly Hills’ codes.
The existing hotel, recently remodeled, would remain. The Bev

I got the time off from work and so now all I have to do is make the arrangements and pay. It looks like I’ll be spending May 26th through 31st in Los Angeles. I’m so stoked. Del taco at highland/Santa Monica Blvd, the burger joint across from Pavillions at Robertson. I’ll get to hangout with some friends, look at a few apartments, enjoy the sun smog and warmer weather.

getting better

Am I the only or has anyone else noticed how when you just get over being sick and are starting to feel well that you feel REALLY alive. For me it happens when I regain my sense of smell/taste. Suddenly I have energy and stamina and everything seems full of possibility. Ok maybe thats overstating things a smidge.

feeling yucky

Yesterday morning I woke up and just didn’t feel good at all. I went to work and got most of the things that I set out to do done but by the end of the day I just knew. I had that achey in the bones feeling, my sinuses are a mess and burning and I was feeling alternately hot then cold. I came home had dinner took a nice hot shower which made me feel a hundred times better and then went to bed early. I didn’t sleep very well. I’ve been up since 4ish this morning and I have a temperature of 101.6. I sent in an email letting my super know I’m not coming to work. Why do I feel guilty though? I’m genuinely sick and really need sleep and rest but I’m the only one SS will be working in the South Seattle office today. I really need to just say fuck it, they can take care of themselves and I need to take care of me. I’m going to take some pills and try and sleep.

Work yesterday went fairly quickly. What was most nice is it was sunny and warm enough to walk around downtown with my jacket. Mike had the day off and stayed home. I only mention it because Comcast had to come out to the house and fix our cable. I get this text message from him, “OMG, the cable guy is fucking hot” of course, I’m not there to check him out. Oh well what you gonna do.

Deaths in Reeve family shake us to the core
By Jerry Large
Seattle Times staff columnist
More Jerry Large
I hadn’t given much thought to Dana Reeve until she died, but I felt something when I read about her.

It wasn’t grief that kept the thought of her death in my mind long after I’d put the paper down. It was a deep sense of unfairness. Her death was an assault on some innate need for fairness. As unfair as we can all be in our behavior toward one another, we still have a need to believe the world is not composed of random happenings.

Gordon Parks died this week, too. I knew more about him and respected his work, but he was 93 years old, so I didn’t think he’d been shortchanged.

Reeve was 44, but it was more than her age that bothered me.

Reeve, as you know, was married to Christopher Reeve, the actor who became famous portraying Superman in several movies. He was paralyzed in a fall from a horse, and for several years Dana cared for him and joined with him in trying to improve the lot of other people who were paralyzed.

That would have been enough to elicit my sympathy. Here was a young couple whose lives were thrown by a chance event no one would have chosen. And their response was to make something good from it.

Then it got worse. Right after he died, she was diagnosed with lung cancer. Oh, and she didn’t smoke.

I thought about the story of Job. Is there a lesson in here that transcends her pain and makes it all worthwhile? Sure, somewhere, and maybe someone out there will see that his life isn’t so bad, but that’ll last about two minutes.

Then it got worse. She died and left behind a 13-year-old son. Thirteen is a painful, confused, scary time of life. Transcendent lesson? The word that occurred to me can’t be reproduced here.

My feelings, of course, weren’t really about Dana Reeve, or her son. They were about my need to believe against all the evidence to the contrary that life is fair.

People put a lot of effort into imposing fairness on the world.
We have rules and regulations to enforce it, and when we can’t make it happen, we invent visions of it.

I remember being a kid and learning for the first time that babies in Africa were starving to death every day. I wanted to know how God could allow that. How could we allow it?

People have lots of answers to those questions, but they all seem to be inventions to make it seem not so unfair, often by placing blame on whoever is suffering; in the case of those babies, on their parents, or their leaders, anything to make it understandable.

We need to believe in fairness because we want the world to make sense, and because we want security for ourselves. There is no security in a world where chance rules.

So we constantly examine things for their fairness.

When someone wins the Lotto, doesn’t some part of your brain automatically rate their worthiness?

No one wants good things to happen to bad people or bad things to happen to good people. Hey, we’re good people, so good things should happen to us. That’s the way the world ought to work.

You saw that study reported a few weeks ago, in which people played a game with some volunteers, some of whom were honest and some obvious cheaters. The subjects were then hooked up to brain-scanning machinery while they watched other players receive a shock to the hand.

When an innocent player got a shock, people’s brains registered activity in pain-related areas. We don’t like seeing innocents suffer.

Women’s brains empathized even with cheaters. But when the cheaters got a shock, men showed no empathy, and in fact got a little pleasure from the punishment.

He had it coming to him, is a classic guy line. Life, however, isn’t so neat.

The Reeves recognized that life isn’t fair, but they worked to make it better, which is about all any of us can do.

Jerry Large: 206-464-3346 or

His column runs Thursdays and Sundays and is found at

Copyright © 2006 The Seattle Times Company

its now the middle of March – time has certainly flown by. I went for a walk yesterday because I needed to get out of the house and it was a beautiful sunny day here. Things are kinda funny up here. The temperature was barely 52 and yet there were a lot of folks walking around in the shorts and short-sleeve shirts up on Cap Hill. People will take advantage of any sunlight we get and call it warm. There was a lot of white-blue pasty skin for sure, it wasn’t pretty I did wear a short-sleeve shirt and it was ok in the sun but once you got out of direct sunlight – brrrrr. I think maybe I need to start using the tanning bed downstairs in the gym.

My Comcast cable went out yesterday also, which totally sucked because Sunday is the L Word, Grays Anatomy and Desperate Housewives. What was weird was only the channels below 101 weren’t working everything above it was. Theres something wrong (duh) with non-digital services we’re getting then. I hooked up just the aerial antenna and I watched Grays and Desperate in my bedroom – sorta. Mike is home today so the cable guy/gal will be able to come out and fix the damn thing.

I’m not looking forward to work in fact I get bummed every-time I think about going there. I absolutely need to move on from there. I can’t stand my boss or most of my coworkers. I love my customers and frankly they and that I like having an income are the only two things keeping me there. Mike has been in some kind of funk for almost a month or so now so it feels like I’m getting it from everywhere. He never goes out, barely does anything except surf the internet and watch T.V.. He keeps his lights off and windows shut. It’s just such a depressing situation I can’t wait for Spring and light and moving on. So there work which is dark and depressing there is now home which is dark and depressing and there is the death of a friend I’m dealing with which is dark and depressing. Things are definitely looking very Johnny Darko around here. So yes Spring and the return of sunshine is a very good thing. My trip down to L.A. is also a very very good thing, although the weather down there isn’t looking that great these days, at least there will be sun. My efforts at getting a new job and the certainty that everything is going to change in 9 months also holds out enormous hope for me. Time to start my day.