What a week! School is wonderful its great to be back studying and learning new things. Its really nice having my dad here this past week. I think he’s enjoying himself. It is a bit of a different visit this time, he goes off and does his own thing. He’s been exploring downtown and the surrounding area. Today is the last day of school and work for me this week. I’m glad because I wasn’t really counting on working, school and having a houseguest. Its exhausting.
I’m really making an effort to create more emotional space between M and I. Its difficult at best. We have a long history with each other. Its easier sometimes to fall into familar patterns my own and ours. These aren’t necessarily good ones either. On the one hand its easier financially to live with him and on the other lviing with each other stresses me out. There has been a widening gap between how I feel and how he feels. I don’t enjoy living with him less and less, that much I know is true and I think our friendship is suffering because of this. Its really time to honor what I’m feeling, wether anyone else will or not. Its also time to get ready for work and school.
Tomorrow starts school and my new work schedule. I’m looking forward to it. I recieved word from the Financial Aid department with an award letter. I’m please as punch about that one. My dad is here and seems to be having a good time. Theres much more but I’m getting ready to go to sleep.
Well today has finally arrived. My dad will be getting into town. I’m very excited. I have a bit of reorganizing to do for his stay here. He’ll be on the sofa, but with three cats one of whom is anxiety prone, we need to have his stuff out of the way. I think the front hall closet will work well as a make shift clothes closet.
On a sad note, Baby, the momma rattie died this morning. She and Mr. Winky are the two oldest. She was a little over 3 1/2 years old.
I’m just sick to death of the whole conflict in the Arab world. I say we get out of there and let the bastards go on killin themselves. We weren’t invited or asked to help and now that we’re there we’ve made more of a mess. We’ve become the focus of the extremists hatred rather than the infighting that was going on before. Why shed more American blood, and American dollars on a foreign people who don’t care or appreciate or share American values to begin with. There was an internal CIA report partly leaked indicating that the situation is dire at best and won’t get any better. This is the new Vietnam, dammit! For those that say, well the CIA was wrong about the WMD’s, yeah that was BEFORE we were on the ground IN the country. I say we get out as fast as we can cut our losses and use some of the 87 billion in aid to rebuild oh lets say OUR economy and Country.
Yesterday was Constitution Day. In its honor here is an oppurtunity to tell your elected officials you don’t support discrimination being written into the Constitution.
I’m really in a place of balancing, of choosing. There are things (and people) I allow in my life that really don’t need to be there. They are like the shirt hanging in the closet that you just don’t wear but you also don’t get rid of. These things aren’t harming anything there just taking up space.
On a completly differnt note. My dad was supposed to come out but thanks to Ivan, his flight was cancelled and they had to abadon there home for higher ground. I spoke with him this morning and there house made through just fine, a few window screens torn to all hell, but no damage otherwise. The airlines rebooked him for this coming Friday.
it’s 3:30pm at work and the day has just dragged by. I’m really tired and want to just get home and into my comfy clothes. Work is going well, and I’m not sure why I’m tired. I’ve been getting to bed relatively early for me, around 11pm and then reading for a bit before going to sleep. It must be the switch from Summer to Fall. Yesterday I had a cool thing happen on the way to work. I was walking to work, listening to my music when I come to Seneca ave and 6th and Ron Sims was there waving and shaking hands with folks. I shook his hand and let him know I was voting for him . It was really cool meeting a candidate that I support just sort of out of the blue.
Tonight I should work on a project for work however, I’m beat and not going to be able to effectivly, so I’ll try and catchup with myself.
I noticed the first twinges of Fall today. There are several trees here on First Hill on my way to work that are starting oh so subtly to take on a fall hue. I love it.
On another note. My dad is supposed to be coming here this Thursday from Mobile AL. two guesses when and were the path for landfall is for hurricane Ivan? He has the worst karma when it comes to hurricanes. My dad was visiting two years ago and he had to leave because of a hurricane landing just East of Mobile. I hope for the best. I’m looking forward to having him out here.
On a completely different note. I met a guy that I really like. I think he likes me too. I have the total butterfly thing going on when I’m around him, that and I want to .. well you get the idea.
“This is adjusting a plan in response to changing circumstances,” said a U.S. official who asked not to be named. “One of the changing circumstances is the need to focus more urgently and more quickly on developing Iraqi security capability. Another is the need to accelerate employment of Iraqis.”
Umm excuse me what about throwing some of that money towards jobs inside the United States. Is that really an unreasonable request?
I haven’t written here in awhile. Things have been pretty busy at work and so I’m generally really tired by the time I get home. Somethings of note. I’m enrolled in classes for the Fall semester, which I’m really happy about. I’m suppose to meet with financial aid tommorow to try and get myself off of financial aid probabion. I dropped out in the middle of the Spring quarter so they automatically put me on. Work may pay for one of the classes and will pay for the time that I’m in class. I have to cover the other two classes and my books. Home life is fine, I’m looking forward to having my dad come out this coming Thursday. He’ll be here for two weeks, unless he finds some work out here. That would be great if he did, make a little money, nana would be able to get a little money, there lives would be easier and probably happier to boot. I’m having two friends over tomorrow night for dinner. I’m making a lasagna so I’ll have to run to the store after work and get the ingredients. It should be nice.
I’ve really been seeing somethings about myself lately that I need to address. I suffer from horrible insecurity, which I cover with bravado and humer. I really don’t like this but I honestly don’t know what to do about it. Its weird because I alternate between actually feeling confident about certain aspects of myself or my life and feeling like the rest is all shit.
Relationship wise, I am really hesitant to get involved with anyone because I’m such freek some of the time, controlling, anal yada yada yada that I wouldn’t want to date me why would I want to put that on anyone else. I’m afraid of being let down, hurt, all of the usual things. I mean I haven’t actually ever been in a truly satisfying relationship and I’m more and more convinced that they don’t exist in the real world. Just some observations about myself that I’ve noticed lately.