Ok I’m feeling more myself now. I’ve been in kind of a pissy mood since a few days ago. Things have just been yuck all the way around. I’m looking forward to school starting and getting that whole thing going. This week I need to meet with my school counselor about classes. I also have to meet with the bank about my student loan. I’m hoping for good things this week.
If you want the rainbow, you gotta put up with the rain.
– Dolly Parton
It’s late but I’ve been drinking coffee on and off all day. Things are moving forward with school and it really does feel like I’m settling in. I’m looking forward to school starting so that I can learn and really absorb myself in the whole academic thing. Things continue to subtly change between Mike and I. He seems really focussed on meeting new folks, drinking and experiencing the “gay community”. In some ways it’s difficult, we don’t really chat very much. When we do I usually have been the one to intialize the conversation, and then I just get frustrated because it feels like pulling teeth half the time. I still do the maternal thing, which I’m unware off most of the time, until I catch myself. I need to stop. He’s a grown man, he is only my roomate and friend. The one thing that became clear to me from this past relationship is that I am in very little way ready for a relationship. I’m much much better off single. This is not to speak ill of Mike or what our relationship has developed into. I’m very happy for that. I just have come to see what I do in relationships that is unhealthy (for myself and the other person). It will be good for me to have school to focus on. the whole going back to school thing is so good in so many ways. I need to finish up my degree, to ride out this unemployment downturn. After my degree I can see myself looking for work again, and not necessarily here in Seattle. I don’t have any intentions at this time of moving anywere. I’d like to stay here, but I can definately see myself working somewere else. Possibly Florida, or somewere back East. Well, that’s a long way off. I’m going to head to bed.