I watched one of my favorite movies tonight, Gattaca there is a quote in the movie that I’ve sort of co-opted, it goes;

“I was never more certain of how far away I was from my goal than when I was standing right beside it.”

Tobey is sitting on my lap, he loves sitting on my lap while I type. this is Tobey

Tobey is purring and almost ready for his nightly turkey before we head to bed to read.

I’m frustrated with Michael. On the one hand I love him but on the other he is unmotivated, uninspired and unemotional about most things. I find myself asking the question why am I with him? I sometimes actively look for reasons why I’m with him. He has a whole lot of really great qualities the least of which is loyalty and steadfastness, which is very hard to find. And then there are those times were I feel like I’m not with that someone I should be, he has no great aspirations, doesn’t care one way or the other about most things, and just plain doesn’t get excited about anything. I feel held back and stifled some of the time. Am I putting off the inevitable as far as this relationship goes. I’m not out to change him or make him into something he isn’t. I’m out to change myself, and move forward in life, experience is very high on my list of priorities in life. There are a few friends and family who feel that he provides stability for my otherwise grazing nature, I feel that this is true to a certain extent but I do feel held back most of the time, either in my expression, because it’s usually met with an apathetic response, or in actuality. He supports me in my decisions and that is such a good quality. He says that I bring so much to his life, consistency, nurturing, friendship and companionship. I realize that couples are different sometimes in a lot of ways, this isn’t my difficulty or maybe it is and I just don’t realize it. I didn’t sleep well last night at all, thinking about so many different things, maybe that is in part why this stuff is coming up for me. Love and commitment are a choice in my opinion, too many couples these days don’t realize this and act willy nilly about there relationships. One of the solutions that Mike and I came up with is for me to go on vacations on my own, to do things on my own without him. We do spend so much of our time together that it probably would be a good idea for me to spend some time with just myself, or just with my friends. Opinions anyone? does anyone else experience this I love you but you feel like a bump on a log sometimes kind of thing in their relationship(s)