I am so profoundly sad tonight. I keep thinking about all of the family that have passed on in the past year, there are so many. Grandma Mary, Grandma Saunders, Grandma Perkins. Karen’s father, Paul, is now dying with terminal cancer. September 11th, there is such a profound theme of death and finality going that has been playing out in my life for the last 2 years. I try to remain positive, and focus on the happier things, like finding my Dad after 26 years, Karen having her first child, and now expecting her second in September and of course having my wonderful partner, Michael. It’s very difficult some days I find myself just starting to cry at the drop of a hat. I know that this will pass and that it is all a part of life. Grief is such a funny thing, it never seems to go away but somehow becomes a mantle you end up learning to wear in life.
The job search continues, that too is bringing me down even though I try not to let it. I’m at a point in my life where I don’t know what it is I want to do with the rest of my life, or even for right now. I have a number of job leads to follow up on tomorrow and Tuesday, and I know that eventually I will find the right job. In the meantime I use the time to read and clean, cook and try to enjoy the freetime, cause when I’m working again it won’t be there. Gratitude is such an important element in keeping perspective on Life. Well, I guess that’s all for this entry I really just needed to acknowledge that I’m not feeling so good these days and that it’s been a struggle and that there have been happy occasions or breaks in the clouds as it were.