I am pretty addicted, but there is hope. I think I’m just well connected to the internet and technology, but it’s really a start of a drug-like addiction. I must act now! Unplug this computer!

Take the INTERNET-ADDICT Test at Fuali.com!

I just spoke with my grandma. Shes 87 and is slowly losing her memory. I imagine that this is a grace in some ways, it was very sad speaking with her, it’s like slowly watching someone you care about moving further and further out of the picture. She was the most important person to me when I was younger, she taught me how to cook, she was glamorous and always together. She was amazing to me. She has outlived 2 husbands and has great grandchildren now. She had lived as a corespondant in the 30’s and early 40’s in Lebannon, so many amazing storys she has still to tell.

I met Mike and some friends after work last night at R’ Place up on the hill. It was fun, we had a few drinks. I had a few more than usual since I wasn’t driving. I always regret this the next day when I have to go to work, because I end up feeling like shit. I always end up smoking to many cigs too!! Well this time was no different, repeat after me, alcohol is a depressant, alcohol is a depressant. There is a reason I’m feeling so blue. I did get cruised by a bunch of guys while we were there, that was a nice little boost.

Upon waking this morning, I just didn’t want to go to work at all, no no no. I wanted to stay home or in bed all day. Mike had gone to work before me as usual, so I had the house to myself, Dexter kept trying to open the door to the bedroom, because the door was closed, that cat hates closed doors, espcially if someone is on the other side.

It looks like Mike and I are going to end up flying after all, god I dread it. I really wish that I hadn’t agreed to go to visit on Xmas. It will be nice once we are there but getting there is the pain in the ass part. Back to work, god it’s only Tuesday.

this Xmas planning thing is becoming a royal pain. Flying is going to be expensive, taking the bus isn’t expensive however, it will shave 7 days total off of the time in Mobile. Taking the train is also expensive and shaves time of our vacation but is more enjoyable than the bus. I’ll have to talk more with Michael about it and decide soon. I’m more inclined to fly, just get it over with.

One of my co-workers came to my cube and said, “you’ve been awfully quiet lately” I responded “that’s becaue I don’t like anyone here and would rather be home.” I immediately followed up with I’m kidding, which is mostly true. I don’t really like some of the people here, I do like Special Services folks and I do like Cathy upstairs, but I can’t really see myself either pretending I like the others or that I would ever socialize with them. It’s not that they are bad people or anything negative, I just don’t have anything in common with them. I think this co-worker didn’t belive me when i said I was kidding which ultimately doens’t really matter to me.

I’m picking up Mike after work and planning on paying some bills before the long holiday weekend. We have to pickup grocerys and smokes too!! I’m really looking forward to having a long weekend. I have nothing other than playing with Tobey and the other kitties to do this weekend. Perhaps watch lots of assorted movies to and of course the obligatory phone calls to realtives.

Am I getting bitter and jaded as I get older? or cantankerous? I find myself asking this question a lot more. I don’t know what the answer is. I startle myself sometimes by the directness of my replys to somethings. I have little to no faith in most anyone under 25 anymore, it maybe that the value systems under which our seperate generations were raised are so completly different, or it may be that they just have no value system. It distresses me because I really am not a bitter or unfriendly person at all, and in fact I am very sensitive. I don’t like not caring about some of the things that I really just thnk are going to hell in a handbasket, but I don’t. Well more ponderings on assorted inane and various things later on.

I worked-out with my trainer on Friday night after work and I really had a good time. The problem came the next day, I had worked the muscles to hard, gosh I’m sore. I feel like some old bondage queen that’s been tied up all weekend. My titties hurt and arms too!! LOL I have to laugh at it all Work is pretty much the same, I think I’m appreciating having the job I have more and more for now, I don’t have to talk to anyone, because AIMing is encouraged, I wouldn’t care to talk to most people here anyway. I am looking for another job but not seriously until the turn of the year… then I will pursue this much more aggressively.

I really really keep hoping that Be, now Palm will release Bone and OpenGL, so that some of the current projects that are stuck can move forward, it’s like a game of solitaire turning over a card may not win you the game but it will get you that much closer to it.