Mike did go into work to cover the shift. He asked me for a ride and I told him I wouldn’t because I didn’t support him working tonight. He says that he doesn’t have to work the remainder of the weekend. I’m really trying not to allow this to taint me but it does. It’s just another one of those small things. My mom ask me why I was with Mike? I told her that I was with him because although there are the day to day anoyances there are also the day to day joys and good times. What I didn’t tell her was that I think people are too quick to give up on relationships these days. I Love Michael and although there are a lot of differences in the way we see things, there are also a lot of similaritys and a bond of Love that I honor. I also thnk that I may be guilty of projecting some of my disatisfaction with Life onto Mike. I need to engage myself more in pursuits that are important to me, that stimulate my intellectual side, my sprirtual side. Mike and I will be better for it if I do this if I channel the energy in a more constructive focused way. I will start by using this weekend for creating goals for myself, something that I haven’t done in a very long time. I know one of the things that I want to do is join a gym and start working out after work. I also think that I would like to learn more about nuitrition, vegatarianism. Even just talking about this in this my online journal makes me feel so much better. I think that I will send Mike and email letting him read these entrys and telling him how very much I Love Him.
It looks like a cloudy day out to match my mood. I have off from work today which is really nice. I got to sleep in and I am happy for it. Mikes probably going to be working the overnight tonight and I am feeling really mixed about it. I don’t have a problem with him having to do extra work for work. I have a major issue with him not showing any balls and saying to his boss, you know it’s not my responsibility to fill these shifts, I’m on vacation. I also have an issue with this because it affects “us”. My job doesn’t ever affect “us”. I have mentally drawn a line for myself. If there is anything that would cause us to go our seperate ways its going to be his willingness to let people walk on him (and in turn our time/space etc) or his inability to make a choices. I am mostly happy with us, it’s been 2 years now. I have issues besides the above, but they are the small things and don’t mean a lot. What I do love about him is his gentle sprirt, his patience with others and me, his sense of humor.
I have been stuggling with a growing disdain and borderline disgust with most people. Now I admit that this isn’t something that most people would confess to. I really don’t like feeling this way, and I espcially don’t like that my temper has gotten shorter and shoter with other peoples faults. Well, as I was driving home tonight I saw a sign on a local church announcing this coming weeks sermon, sometimes these little dittys can be fun so I’ll read them as I drive past. Well, anyway this weeks was; “Be as gentle with the faults of others, as if they were your own.” For some reason this really struck me and I immediately realized that this is what is going on, I am NOT being sensitive to others as I try to be with myself. I feel a small burden being lifted from my shoulders, and a new freedom to act with kindness.
System is down at work. I had a nice weekend, got my haircut and colored at midnight by Matt. Watched a few movies, didn’t want the phone to ring. Found a great deal on blueberries and rasberries and was a random winner at the local Safewary to recieve an additional 5% off all purchases between now and the end of September. left feeling lucky. I’ve been flirting with OS/2 again… what an OS whore I am
I’m totally loving being able to use OS X at work. Granted the machine is only a blue and white with 128 megs of RAM but very cool none the less.