A Confession before Mass

I have a confession.  Not anything lascivious or immoral. I have every good intention to go to Mass on Sundays, but I don’t. It’s not because I don’t enjoy the Mass, I do, very much.  Maybe I should start with all of the things I love about the Mass.  I love the flow of the Mass, the reliability of knowing where in the celebration we are, the responses back and forth between priest and the people of God.  I Love receiving Communion where it is both a shared experience reminding us we are all One Body of Christ and where it is also the most deeply intimate moment with Our Lord.  Here’s a few things that keep me from  Mass, in some cases laziness and this ones on me.  There is no way to make this look pretty.  Lately however it’s a two fold thing, it’s the priests and where I’m at on a Spiritual level.  It was not that long ago the church I attend had (two) amazing dynamic priests.  Their homilies  were on point and useful, not the far too common bland and wordy retelling of the readings without any meat to bring into our daily lives.  When the priests offered Mass you could sense, you could tell they were in the moment, in the words and prayers they were uttering on the congregations behalf.  This changed late Spring a year ago, one of the priests was reassigned to a different, though somewhat local parish and the other inexplicably took a personal leave of absence (that is a whole different post).  The second reason is that while I love all of the things I had mentioned at the beginning, I get fatigued with not feeling truly a part of the community I worship with,.  I get fatigued with not being able to truly share my life and my marriage with my congregation.  I guess it boils down to this sense that I am a discordant cog in an otherwise beautiful wheel.  I stay because it is the only way to bring about the Change I Hope and believe will come.

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