Reflecting over the past year and contemplating what I will bring to the upcoming one. This past one has been a busy one, even if the busy is the same busy most days. It has been a lot about me trying to make changes in my life, creating new patterns falling back to old ones and then starting all over again. When the falling to old patterns happen there is always a bit right before that I question why I’m trying to create new patterns. The answer is almost always the same, because I should, it makes me a better more complete human and then “but it’s all for nothing in the end” somehow creeps in. This bothers me that I would think that and so I’m resolved this year to make only the changes that I really want to, not the ones that I’m supposed to because a dozen different groups, persons organization say I should. I think this is part of the with age comes wisdom thing I hear about. Some people would call it not giving a shit. I’ll go with the Wisdom idea, it sounds better. So looking forward to 2012, I’m not going to promise to lose weight or exercise everyday or anything else for that matter. I am going to continue healthy patterns that I can incorporate into my life without adding additional stress or aggravation. if I stay 250ish and size 42 then so be it. I’m at least happy and besides in the end it’s all for nothing anyway … oh damn there I go again.