The Sun will always shine somewhere

Lately I’ve been in a bit of a depression.  I love my job, my home life and all of the rest of what makes up my life.  What I’ve been in a bit of a funk about is my weight/health and my almost complete lack of a social life.  I can’t seem to shake it.  Really starting when I moved to Seattle I started putting on weight.  I met Michael, we became domestic as you do and what was a 30 something relatively thin though muscled guy turned into what I am now which is a 47 year old that’s nearly 80 pounds heavier than when I moved to Seattle and all of the attenuating problems related to weight and aging.  My knees don’t like to run or do much of anything my neck and back have more aches and pains that I recall ever experiencing.  Anyway, you get the picture.  While I consider myself a “bear” in gay speak and am attracted to guys that are closer to the portly side than the thin and muscled west Hollywood clones.  I don’t like it on myself.  I’ve been battling it now for at least 4 years and without and steady success to speak of.  I’ve consulted with a nutritionist, my doctor who is a heavily muscled 40 something year old gay Asian man.  I don’t drink nearly as much as I did when I was younger, I eat really healthy except when I’m at Disneyland then all bets are off and I hike or walk on average 4/5 miles daily.  So it feels like I’m running up a hill I’ll never summit. This is what’s caused my case of the blues.  Well this and that I don’t go out or socialize really very often.  Working the schedule that I do on the one hand gives me the whole day to do as I please as well as to get up without and alarm clock.  On the other hand it also cuts deeply into any social life I might otherwise have.  So I guess here I am.  I’m not really sure how to move forward other than to really reign in my portions and be consistently constant with my working out.  I may join a gym, I’m thinking either Hollywood Gold’s (although I hear it’s kind of a meat market) or the YMCA which is closer to the house and less of a meat market.  I’m going to start posting my results on Mondays as a way for me to share my progress and I will look for new ways to get out and meet new friends because it always seems that I have a ton more friends wherever it is I’m not living, in this case Seattle.  If there’s one attribute I know I have its grit and determination, ok that’s two but there kind of related.  Thanks for reading this far into my mini self-analyzing rant.


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