I know I haven’t written in awhile. Work/Home have been crazy busy. I celebrated my 1 year anniversary with the City this past May 14th. I’ve successfully navigated my way clear of the mandatory 1 year probation. I’m still very happy there and look forward to new challenges and projects. Home is going well
Last weekend a whole group of friends got together and went to a morracan restaurant before the L word finale. It was a lot of fun. I so prefer hanging out with lesbians to gay men. Most of the men I hang out with only want to get drunk and fuck. That really has been the only thing to break up the routine of work home relax dinner sleep repeat.
I went out last night I did not have a good time. There wasn’t anything bad about the experience its just that I’m expecting more from people than they have to give. Its very disappointing. I think that is one of the reasons I keep to myself mostly. I go out to hangout with people that I think of as friends and yet there whole agenda is completely different than mine. Its ironic sad and funny all at the same time. I’m really waking up to the notion that I’m in sore need of a partner. Men aren’t looking so good to me in that department these days, woman are often too much. I’m not going looking because I’m not really sure what or who it is that I want. I think of the baggage I bring to a relationship and even I dont want to date myself. People sometimes comment on how close Mike and I appear and how great it is that we can be as intimate and close as we are after breaking up 3 years ago. We are close and I do cherish our friendship (most days – kidding). I wonder if in some way our closeness, the whole dynamics of the relationship is in part whats keeping me from moving on. I realize my whole analytical nature is part of the problem to. Oh well fuck it all. what is is and if I’m meant to be in a relationship I will be. I’m old enough at this point that I’m not even sure I want one. I’m very happy with just me and the way my life is.