I have homework to do today that I really don’t want to do. I enjoy the class and its one of my more important ones. Its a prerequiste for most of my others.

I was browsing online this morning looking at job postings, oh my god there are so many more job postings for LA than here, and better paying too!! Seattles high tech job market just sucks balls right now.

The news people here did a report on the state of our states economic recovery and they were saying that it is still a few years out from catching up with the rest of the country . My plan as it stands now is to continue with school until the end of the summer. I need to get a full-time job sometime between now and the end of September when my state funding runs out. Once I’m working again, I’ll take night classes to finish up my schooling. I will be done with school at least my associates by the end of the Fall semester.

Nyack mayor becomes first to recognize same-sex married couples

This is the beginning of a chapter in gay civil rights. For those opposed to the idea of gay marriage, keep in mind these are civil marriages not religious cermonys. We are seeking to have the same financial and legal benefits as straights and aside from religious prejudice there is no logical reason why these benefits should be denied adults seeking them. It is inevitable that same-sex marriage will be treated the same as hetro marriage. It is only a matter of time.
SUMMARY: Gay couples in New York state came closer to legalized marriage on Friday, as one mayor agreed to recognize licenses granted elsewhere, and another performed ceremonies himself.

Gay couples in New York state came two steps closer to legal recognition of their relationships on Friday. One mayor is recognizing legally granted marriage licenses for gay couples; another mayor is performing the marriage ceremonies himself.
John Shields, the mayor of Nyack, N.Y., made his town the first in the United States to recognize gay couple’s marriage licenses — be they from Canada or San Francisco or any other locale.
Taking critics head on, Mayor Shields said in a press release, “I don’t understand how extending marriage to same-gender couples undermines traditional marriage or weakens community.”
He added, “A powerful way to affirm traditional marriage is to have strong marriages between committed people. That is what the mayors of San Francisco and New Paltz are doing.”
The mayor of New Paltz, a village just 75 miles from New York City, became only the second mayor in the United States to directly help gay couples marry. Mayor Jason West, 26, married 21 same-sex couples on Friday.
The first couple to marry was Billiam Van Roestenberg and Jeffrey McGowan, from New York City. Hundreds of supporters and family members witnessed the nuptials, which were performed outside in the village hall parking lot. With only a few protestors in attendance, the supportive crowd cheered as the ceremony ended.
During the ceremony, Mayor West put the marriage in perspective: “What we’re witnessing in America today is the flowering of the largest rights movement the country’s had in a generation.”

I find men attractive but more often than not usually in various states of dress rather than undress. Maybe its a sign I’m getting older, or perhaps its an affectation of my Catholic upbringing, a frustrated hetrosexism possibly. Lord knows I have never been comfortable with grossly gay expressions. In any event I have been thinking a lot about sex and spirituality. I don’t really have any interest in becoming some body in a sort of gay orgy thats certainly not how I want to express myself. It’s messy and often not worth the effort in the end (so to speak). What does my being gay mean in a larger context. Is it a gift as so many liberal theologians would have me believe. Like I’m some blessed berdache waiting with my holy semen to bless all who are open to my wisdom. I find that scenario highly doubtful for a number of reasons. First of all my spirituality is a strange hybrid of Catholicism, paganism, New Thought with a healthy dose of Agnosticism thrown in for added confusion. I’m often overly serious, which has always been a double edged sword socially and personally. I take life and most other things way to seriously. I’ve gotten better over the years but it has taken its toll on me. I’m writing this now because it helps me put into perspective what direction I’m going in. I’ve always been goal oriented, serious and goal oriented you would have thought I’d be married and living in SF with a wonderful husband by now. I guess I’m trying like I was saying earlier to find a place spiritually for myself. Its a struggle, not in the god doesn’t love gay men kind of way. Those types of ideas are just silly to me. Finding a place for me is a quest to find some essential meaning if any to who I am and what I am and not so much what I do, which is were I think most people pull the meaning of there lives from. Most of us won’t do anything extra-ordinary during our lives at least not on a larger scale like Ghandi, or Martin Luther King. Most of us live our lives day to day, often just trying to make the end of one and beginning of the next come together. The reason that the whole gay part of my life comes into the mix is because for me being gay is primarily a vision thing not a fucking thing. I know lots of straight men who fuck other men, it doesn’t make them gay (just trade). Being gay for me is more about how you see the world, from a queer perspective. It’s not inherently better or worse than how straights see the world, its just different. I derive a lot of value out of going to Mass and being a part of the larger Church, regardless of the Church’s internal problems. In order to bring this whole entry to a point. I’m looking for a wholeness in my life.

In keeping with that last idea I’d like to add I would like someone to journey with me and I’m having a hard time finding that person at the Cuff or at Mass. The companion part is kind of new. I have a difficult enough time most days getting along with myself. Its taken Michael and I 4 years to learn how to live with each other without me killing him. Aside from leaving wet towels on the bed and nagging how dirty things are I easy to live with [wink]. So I’m starting the process of finding someone again.

I haven’t had anything interesting or important to write now for a bit. Some of the things that have my attention.

Gay marriage
How much I can’t stand George Bush
The Passion of the Christ
School – lots of school
Math as I’m not doing nearly as well this semester as I was last semester.
Beginning the process of finding a new job
Shopping later on today
Getting a new laptop, my pc died and I need one for my Visual Basic.NET
MoneyDance a financial package similar to MSMoney or Quicken. I’ve been looking for a program to switch from MSMoney which I love but only works on PC’s. I’m making the final transition to my MAC. I like this one because it downloads OFX which is similar to QIF files but eliminates duplicate entries in my checkbook.

tumultuous thoughts

I’m being very naughty today. I’m not going to either of my morning classes. I like both of them I just don’t have the energy to go. I need some me time. I will go to my math class and I will have all of my homework done by the time Wednesday rolls around. I’m looking forward to New York. It’s only for a few days but it should be fun.

On another subject entirely. Weight, I weigh 243 pounds. I’ve been at this weight for some time now. I did gain a bit after I quite but not so much that it would make that much of a difference. I don’t like being this weight. I want very much to lose. Portion control, exercise and not eating 3 hours before bed are a few of the things that I need to start focussing on. I realize that I won’t have the same body I did when I was 26. I want a healthy body which I’ve been told should be around 190 if I workout. It’s almsot funny because when I lived in LA I couldn’t give a rats ass about how I appeared as far as my weight goes. I wasn’t as heavy back then either, I gained most of my weight after I moved up here to Seattle. Maybe its time to move back to LA? There certainly seem to be a bit more in the way of jobs there, LOL. Its so damn expensive though and my credit isn’t good enough to buy a home. How do you guys that live there afford it? I believe that at least one of you lives in the West Hollywood/ Hollywood area. I seem to have a perpetual “grass is always greener on the other side” thing going on between LA and Seattle. it does flair up considerably in the Winter, or in this case after winter when we have a few days of beautiful weather, sun clear skys and in the upper 50’s (oooohh), thats shorts weather for us. I saw several folks with shorts on yesterday after class. It’s supposed to be the same today. It’s 35 right now. Well, I’m off to get a coffee.

I’ve been following this case now for since it was made public in the gay press. This is another reason why this country needs equal protection laws for EVERY citizen.

Taken from bj’s gay porno-crazed ramblings

Matthew Limon “celebrates” his 22nd birthday today, in a Kansas jail. He has served 4 years of his 17-year sentence, and it looks likely that he may not see freedom until 2017, after he turns 35. I just can’t imagine that! I can’t imagine what the past year of his life has been like; that glimmer of hope when it looked like the Supreme Court was going to look at his case; then actually vacating the decision and remanding it back to the Kansas Courts this past summer. Finally getting the chance to imagine what his young adulthood might be like. Waiting all summer and fall for the painfully slow legal process to take its course. The optimistic press reports after the oral arguments in December. Then bam! The constitutionality of the Kansas law that treats heterosexual and homosexual sexcrimes differently upheld!

How did Mr. Limon take the news? What was it like for his lawyers to break it to him? What have those long nights alone in a jail cell been like, the hope that it might be over soon gone, vanished? How do you explain to a young man that he must stay in prison for another 13 years, that he will be 35 years old before he will be able to begin his life? How do you console a young man who during his sentencing hearing 3-1/2 years ago admitted to thinking about suicide many times while in the county jail awaiting the sentencing decision?

I’ve read that damn case a number of times in the past 10 days since the decision has been handed down. I’ve tried to analyze it, see what went wrong, figure it out. But each time I stop. This is not some college assignment, this is a real person who’s life has been robbed. Regardless of how one feels about sex between an 18-year-old and a 14-year old (the complicating factors of each young man’s mental capacity is sort of a “wash” as each had been determined to be about 6th grade in terms of emotional development), it boggles the mind that anyone can think that lengthy jail time is the answer. Even young Limon has actually managed to convince himself that he’s a bad person, deserving punishment, and he begged for help to change at his sentencing hearing.

When I turned 22, I was a senior in college, having just heard that I had a job waiting for me in New York upon graduation. I didn’t have specific plans of what I wanted to do with my life – generic bachelor’s degree, job in a Midtown office. But it was my life, waiting to be lived, experienced, make mistakes – meet new people, fall in love several times, move a dozen times around the city. Horrible tragedies, great disappointments – all that – but it was mine to figure out for myself. I was free to discover the harsh limitations of life, but also to stumble upon the beautiful reasons why it is so precious, so amazing. We should be outraged each and every time that it is taken from someone. This past year I’ve had numerous discussions with friends and acquaintances about gay marriage, gay adoption – the inequality, the unfairness, the hopes, the worries. And I wouldn’t want to choose only one area where the pain is so overwhelming, so unfair to anyone else; but freedom – being able to wake up each day and decide for oneself what he or she wants to do – isn’t that the barest minimum of fairness? Whether its your crappy job, your awful school, looking at your miserable life partner – that’s for you to decide. But the State – the government, taking away your basic freedom for 17 years rather than 15 months, merely because your sexcrime was with the same, rather than opposite, gender – how does one make sense out of that?

Today is definitely a monday. classes were long and difficult. I have an HTML test tomorrow that I’m anxious about. I had a math test that I totally blew. I wanted to get my math grades and so I told my teacher he said to follow him upstairs, I did. I had to wait around while he was with another student. He totally forgot about me and was like I’ll get them to you tomorrow. His fucking office was less than 15 feet from when he told me this. I was like thanks for wasting my time. Now I’m home. I had yet more paperwork to do for scholarships and financial aid. It’s never ending and everything moves way to fast, how am i supposed to find time to do anything else? I’m just slightly frazzled, I have school work, two tests this week, 2 projects that are due and I’m flying out to NY on Friday. I’ll be returning on Tuesday and will have 2 more projects and 2 more tests on Wednesday. I know it sounds like I’m complaining, I’m not I’m just feeling a time pinch, and I’m not doing well in math and want very much to maintain my GPA or better (3.7).

I’m with Mark on this one. I too am so sick of hearing about Janet Jackson’s titties that I am reluctant to even mention it here. There is just such a contradiction between our national ethos and how most americans live. This of course brings me brings to the subject of gay marriage. First of all the idea that this sacred institution needs to be saved from the dirty hands of some perverts is utterly laughable. It really is a case of “pot, hi this is kettle, your black!”. Hets have over a 54% divorce rate, out of all the divorces in this country people who considered themselves “religious” had an even higher divorce rate. What that tells me is what the majority of people I consider sane already know, there is nothing to save. Secondly, aside from the financial and legal benefits I’m not exactly sure why gay couples would WANT to get married. From my perspective if your with someone you make that commitment to one another and to yourself. Love still is verb, an often messy compromising ego denying one especially when it comes into play in relationships. All of this being said I think that from a purely logical point of view (without all of the sentimental morality) gay marriage SHOULD be legal. I applaud the MA Supreme Court for allowing us fags to fuck up a good thing just as much as the breeders.

You know things should never have to be a guessing game between people. As an example, I met this guy back in October, he was a pickup that lasted longer than I think either of us expected. Well, as we got closer to Christmas and we were seeing each other pretty consistently I thought we should talk and sort out were we were or were not going. I broach the subject and didn’t get a response for 2 weeks. the response came in the form of an email letting me know that although I was a swell guy and good in bed that he though maybe we were each looking for something different. This was better than fine, because I had really truly wanted to simply KNOW where we each stood. the kicker is that in the same letter he said (as a lot of guys will) that he wanted to be friends. That was fine too, I enjoyed his company enough to sleep with the man, and since he wasn’t a jerk why not remain friends. We were supposed to get together on at least two occasions (my birthday being one of them) he cancelled for various reasons on both occasions. I have made several other efforts to get together for coffee or a drink. What’s obvious here is that he REALLY has no interest in getting together. His idea I think, is that “being friends” means that we are cordial to one another if we should bump into each other when either of us are out and about. This is were I have a problem, why couldn’t he just say that?! I do if I don’t like you I’ll tell you. If I do like you I’ll tell you that also. There is something about this passive communication that is incredibly annoying. I mention this now because I saw him online and thought, “Ok, I’ll say hi before I log-off”. I did and wouldn’t you know it like every other time, he had work to do. God that pisses me off, if you are busy when you’re online then change your status to busy ass-hat. Some will think that I’m naive about the whole thing, and who cares he was only an extended trick anyway, but I still think everyone has an obligation to be as forthright and honest with each other as possible. Oh well, I did get this great chicken and butternut curry recipe from him!