Smoking, whoredom and other sundry thoughts

Sunday was Pride day here in Seattle, like a lot of cities. I went up to the parade with Mike. We didn’t hang and watch it. Instead we walked along a side street straight away to the Festival up at Volunteer Park. To be perfectly honest I’m not sure why I went, just something to do I guess. After hanging out and people watching for awhile, Mike and I headed down to Charlies for a late lunch early dinner. I had bought Mike tickets to see this for his birthday present. The show started at 7:30 pm so we headed back to the house to change and get ready. I wasn’t sure what to expect from the show except a lot of music. It was fun overall, a very uplifting and happy show. The after-show plan was to head up to R’Place to have a cocktail. Well, that didn’t work, there was a line and if you can believe this a “list” to get in. Screw that noise, like they even think they can be LA here is too too laughable. So it was a walk back to the car, and up the hill to CC’s. I got a call on my cell from this guy I’ve been playing with. He called and had left a message to say he was going to be out around 10 ish at the Cuff. Mike and I headed down the hill to the Cuff. Now truth be told I like the guy and all, but I’m not really all that interested in anything other than momentary sex with this one. He was there we hung out for awhile, till around 1-am. We walked back to our cars and all said our goodnights. Bed was a wonderful sight, I was tired.

Now I’ve been wrestling with a few things, smoking being the foremost one. I like smoking, I don’t like the cumulative effect it has on my body. I know I need to quit and I have before without problems. I fortunately am one of those folks that decides to do something and I just do it. It’s just the getting to that decision that is sometimes the problem. I’ll sit on this for awhile I think.

Now onto body image. Somedays it’s like I just woke-up to myself and all of a sudden here I am. I don’t see myself for what I am, a 39 year old man. I feel frozen somewhere in my early 30’s at most. My body continues to age and the mirror won’t hide the effects of eating drinking and being merry that I did when I was younger. I’m about 40 pounds heavier than I’d like to be (most days). My hair is greying but then it’s been doing that since I was an anxiety ridden 20-something. My face is getting that fullness of time thing, in other words it’s not as tight and thin as it once was. I think that perhaps I need to workout, get in shape and all that sort of thing. When I think of that, working out, I think of people just actively running away from the aging process. I’m not afraid to get older (or die for that matter). I am just sometimes caught unawares by how quickly the whole thing is happening and to me of all people, who’d have thunk it.

And finally, I got Tobey fixed last week. It’s like having a different cat entirely. He’s much more affectionate, I’m convinced more out of the fear that I’ll take him back to the vet and have something else cut off. He’s also much more calm which I like. No sitting in the hallway meowing endlessly at 5 in the morning.

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