Smoking, whoredom and other sundry thoughts

Sunday was Pride day here in Seattle, like a lot of cities. I went up to the parade with Mike. We didn’t hang and watch it. Instead we walked along a side street straight away to the Festival up at Volunteer Park. To be perfectly honest I’m not sure why I went, just something to do I guess. After hanging out and people watching for awhile, Mike and I headed down to Charlies for a late lunch early dinner. I had bought Mike tickets to see this for his birthday present. The show started at 7:30 pm so we headed back to the house to change and get ready. I wasn’t sure what to expect from the show except a lot of music. It was fun overall, a very uplifting and happy show. The after-show plan was to head up to R’Place to have a cocktail. Well, that didn’t work, there was a line and if you can believe this a “list” to get in. Screw that noise, like they even think they can be LA here is too too laughable. So it was a walk back to the car, and up the hill to CC’s. I got a call on my cell from this guy I’ve been playing with. He called and had left a message to say he was going to be out around 10 ish at the Cuff. Mike and I headed down the hill to the Cuff. Now truth be told I like the guy and all, but I’m not really all that interested in anything other than momentary sex with this one. He was there we hung out for awhile, till around 1-am. We walked back to our cars and all said our goodnights. Bed was a wonderful sight, I was tired.

Now I’ve been wrestling with a few things, smoking being the foremost one. I like smoking, I don’t like the cumulative effect it has on my body. I know I need to quit and I have before without problems. I fortunately am one of those folks that decides to do something and I just do it. It’s just the getting to that decision that is sometimes the problem. I’ll sit on this for awhile I think.

Now onto body image. Somedays it’s like I just woke-up to myself and all of a sudden here I am. I don’t see myself for what I am, a 39 year old man. I feel frozen somewhere in my early 30’s at most. My body continues to age and the mirror won’t hide the effects of eating drinking and being merry that I did when I was younger. I’m about 40 pounds heavier than I’d like to be (most days). My hair is greying but then it’s been doing that since I was an anxiety ridden 20-something. My face is getting that fullness of time thing, in other words it’s not as tight and thin as it once was. I think that perhaps I need to workout, get in shape and all that sort of thing. When I think of that, working out, I think of people just actively running away from the aging process. I’m not afraid to get older (or die for that matter). I am just sometimes caught unawares by how quickly the whole thing is happening and to me of all people, who’d have thunk it.

And finally, I got Tobey fixed last week. It’s like having a different cat entirely. He’s much more affectionate, I’m convinced more out of the fear that I’ll take him back to the vet and have something else cut off. He’s also much more calm which I like. No sitting in the hallway meowing endlessly at 5 in the morning.

Mikes suprise birthday party

Last night we went to Maria’s for Mikes suprise party. She and I had been planning it for the last several weeks. He knew only that we were going to her house for a house-warming. She had cooked up a feast for everyone, and it was goooood. Mike and I were going to suprise her by showing up in drag. Now I don’t do drag all the frequently, it’s expensive to be a girl, I like my facial hair and I hate “tucking”. There will be pictures later on. Mike thought we were going to suprise them, but in fact they knew we were going in drag. It was tons of fun. hanging out with friends, lotsa karoake singing. Most everyone showed up. I took a little nap and then drove Matt and ourselfs home.

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Last night I watched Soldier’s Girl on tv. I can’t even begin to talk about how moved I was by the story. Here is a link to Calpernia’s website. There is also an article in the Advocate that you can get to from her site as well. It’s a little odd, I read several journals and start to get a feel like I know the people that I’m reading about. The journal’s that I read on a daily basis become a part of my day to day, like meeting friends. The odd part is that these aren’t really friends at least not in the traditional sense. They are people who’s journey I can see reflected in parts of my journey. I would love to write to Calpernia tell her how much I was moved by her and Barry’s story, but then I stop short of doing it. That’s all for now.

I was just reading over the entrys since the beginning of the year those online and in my written journal as well. I’m actually really happy with everything this year. Last year sucked beyond words. I’ve managed in no small part to friends and family to accomplish almost all I’ve set out to do this year. There is still almost half a year left to go. There a few things on my plate that I’m looking to do. The first is to get back into school for the Fall. Next I would like to finish getting the mess that was my 20’s cleaned off of my credit report. I have been in process of cleaning my credit now for almost 3 years, it’s been slow but definately worth it. The thing about it is, once the stuff is off the only thing that remains is the stuff you haven’t cleaned up yet. This came home to me when I went for the apartment. I knew they would pull a copy of my credit report and so I explained and provided proof that I’ve been in the process of cleaning things up. The property management company came back and asked a few questions about the things that remained. I explained that living is expensive and that yes there were things still on my report but that they were the items that I hadn’t gotten to yet. This seemed to satisfy them.

So the good news is that we got the apartment!! Mike and I will be moving into the apartment at the beginning of August. I’ve had 2 movers come and give me estimates for the move. On another front, I’ve been going out more lately, drinking far too much beer, saying crazy things and making out with men I don’t know. It’s fine, and I think it’s all about being excited at moving to the hill, being single, Spring – rutting season and all that business. I realize that this is a momentary thing and sometimes good for me to let loose. I also realize how much of a control-freak I am when it comes to myself, the only guilt that I feel the next day is do to the way I run my mouth without checking in with my head the night before. I guess this is true of most folks, they just say whatever comes to them when drinking.

I met two new guys recently and have been on dates with both of them. I’m pretty sure that, although they’re nice enough guys, nothing is going to develop. Mikes birthday is coming up (June 28th), I bought him tickets to Mama Mia for the last show here in Seattle on the 29th. Maria, Myself and other close friends are taking him out for his birthday as well.

I can’t begin to say how excited I am about this move. I can see so many new beginnings happening. The nicest thing about this is that these new beginings are happening in an organic evolutionary way, not as the result of trauma, drama or upset. Well, the sun is rising through my window, it’s 5:30am so it seems as good as any to post this entry now.

I think we're on a roll here.

well, this will make 3 entries in the same day. Yesterday Mike and I wanted to get a head start on the sweltering heat we’ve been having here in Seattle. So we left at 830-am for Capitol Hill to begin our apartment hunting activities. Our first stop was a swanky little place called the Copperfield. We met with the landlady and she took us on the tour of the place. We have been eyeing this particular complex for some time now. It’s in a great location, just off of Pike, so the Market is a short walk as is most of the benefits of the Hill. The apartment itself is a 2 bedroom/ 1 bath unit. It was 99% of what we are looking for. Both Mike and I are pretty sure that this is THE Place we will call home next. It’s big enough that we’ll be very comfortable. I’m truly excited about the whole thing. We walked around jotting down numbers and such, just in case this one doesn’t workout. The landlady seemed to really want us to move in which is a good thing to have as well. Here is a shot of the exterior:

outside shot

courtyard

After an afternoon of all this walking we went to this lovely little mexican place on Broadway for a buffet lunch. Yum!!

of course coffee is a post requisite for all of this activity and so we indulged ourselves on the way back to the car.

I’m sure that I’ll be keeping my posts regarding our move up to date as much as possible.